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Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Do Nothing Support Group

Are your kids in one activity or less at a time and you're overwhelmed by the mere thought of the people you know who juggle multiple activities with multiple children?

Do you find yourself wishing you had friends you saw on a regular basis but the idea of cleaning and cooking to have someone over completely destroys you mentally?

Do you yearn for time laying on the carpet staring at cracks in the ceiling?

Do you miss showing up to your friends' houses with nothing and then cajoling them into going to the grocery store at 11 PM to buy poptarts and peanut butter so you can eat poptart sandwiches?

When someone asks if you've signed your kids up for soccer/piano/scouts/baseball/skiing/dance/theater/travelsports/4H, does it make you want to scream, "My sanity cannot survive doing any more things AND I can't afford it anyway!!"?

When someone invites you to go to a free concert/book club/painting night/selling some shit night/outdoor yoga class/dance club does it make you wish to never take flannel pants off, instead curling into a ball and never leaving your house?

If so, you should start a support group for people like us. I'm too tired to do it but I would really benefit from such a group. But you can't invite me. That'd be another thing.

Instead, maybe you could just show up to my house and tell me I'm in it.

What does Do More Nothing look like?

We lay on the floor and Do More Nothing. We don't put the kids to bed on time. Or bathe them nightly. Or draw or sew or fix shit or fill out field trip forms. They may have three day old marker on their necks. So be it.

We dig our fingers into dirty carpet and are fine with it. We do nothing.

I text you when someone asks me if I've signed my kids up for after school chess and snowshoe club with free hot chocolate and you say "DO MORE NOTHING."

You ask me to a "dinner party" and I show up in yoga pants with nothing. You have prepared no dinner. Instead we forage from the back of your cabinets and deep in your fridge drawers to eat popcorn and bagged lettuce for dinner on your couch. Yes, right on top of the laundry you haven't folded. Because I also tell YOU to DO MORE NOTHING!

When I ask you what you're doing for a long weekend, you say, "let's make a weekend of it," then show up and we watch TV for four hours and eat cereal for lunch with hard seltzer for desert at 11 am.

Do. More. Nothing.

Ahhhh, the mere fantasy is a reverie.