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Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Be That Person



Having children completely altered the landscape of my body. I don't have an illness that will likely cut my lifespan short, but I am a normal mom whose body shows signs of surviving 37 years. This lady, man, she got it right. Rock the body you have.

Over Thanksgiving, I ran a 5K with a new friend. She warned me as I got in the car that she had "padded up," but was pretty sure she couldn't control her bladder for the full distance. She's beautiful. And awesome and I had a great time. Rock the body you have.

Last night, Gomez wanted me to keep getting his belly. Then he decided he should get mine. I have lost sensation on my belly from the scarring due to stretching so far during pregnancy and am self-conscious about my belly. But my kids just see the chance to "get me." I let them and we play away. Rock the body you have.

Today.

Friday, November 25, 2016

Might as Well

Saturday we needed to buy an organ. Obviously. I mean, when you're on your way home from hours out on the go, the obvious thing you must do is stop by the thrift store to bring home a broken organ so that your husband can "trick it out." And then spend 2 hours fixing it and learning how use effects pedals on it. That way he can make a fuzz pedal for a 1980s organ and make jokes about me playing his fuzzy old organ. Yup. Early this morning, he figured out how to play "Crocodile Rock" on the organ. But don't worry, he's trying to convince me of how much I want to play this delightful new addition to our home. He's also trying to convince me to get black light posters and have a Psychedelic Rock-Themed New Year's party. That I might get on board for. As I came around to the idea, I told him that I'd get on board with this organ business if he'll figure out a way for us to use it as a way to prank people which necessarily entails building a generator so we can play it on our friends' lawns. If you can't beat 'em, might as well join 'em. The kids love it.

"Jump" is coming from the basement. Might as well..

Monday, November 14, 2016

What's in your purse? I never know.

Ever root around in your purse for your gloves, get one, then not find the other and pull out a sock instead? Then you realize the reason you only have one glove is on account of your six-year-old using your glove for his Darth Vader costume?
I have no idea why there's a pair of socks in my purse.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

The Disasterlands of Parenting

This image set to make its appearance in my new book, Stop Licking That. Publication date TBA soon!