How is it possible to get this many things wrong before 9:00 AM?
1. I forgot the paperwork for the camp I got my son into at work so had to stop by there and get it.
2. It was blank because I had forgotten to fill it out on Friday or all weekend while it sat forgotten at work.
3. I forgot a pen to fill it in when I left the office.
4. I forgot my purse at home which contains pens that I could have used.
5. I forgot my son's jacket in case it rains.
6. I forgot to put sunscreen on my son.
7. I forgot to bring sunscreen for them to put on my son (who is clear, like me and needs constant sunscreen slathering.)
8. I forgot a hat for him.
9. Over the weekend I lost every plastic bag, paper bag, and both kids' lunchboxes. I put the kids lunches in a bagel bag and a hospital bag with "Steve" on it.
10. On Sunday when my husband went grocery shopping, he forgot the grocery list in the car so he forgot to buy Ziploc backs and we completely ran out of those too. So the inside of the kids' lunches looks a lot like the outsides.
11. I forgot a water bottle for my son's camp.
-1. I found a water bottle in the car so we'll call that one a win!
11. Back to 11 because I forgot to wash it and have no idea when it was washed last because it's a forgotten-in-the-car water bottle. But I did remember to have my son refill it from the water fountain and that's definitely cleanish so we'll let that one go now.
12. I forgot my husband's cell phone number. Ok, that's a lie. I don't actually have it memorized. And really I'm going to be out of town for the rest of the week so his is the actual number they need. I think I might remember it correctly 10% of the time and there's only like 2 digits I'm unsure of but I'm sure that doesn't work for calling him and obviously that's a problem on the form I filled out. Or maybe this was the one time I got that one right. Fingers crossed.
13. In the paperwork at home there was a list of acceptable and unacceptable "Take Apart" items for this camp. All the normal parents brought a broken DVD player or a broken CD player. Meanwhile, I brought the motor from our broken ceiling fan. It's so weird that it didn't make either the acceptable or the unacceptable part of the list. So I don't actually know if I messed up or not but it looked weird and my kid can hardly carry the damned thing so probably this was a screw up. Or maybe he'll pull it off with moxie. That kid oozes with moxie. Except when he's nervous. Like he was this morning when I screwed up our entire morning. And probably his life.
14. They forgot to add my son to the list despite the fact that I signed up and paid for this camp in March. I know this is not actually my fault but I then forgot how I registered him and got so flustered that I'm sure this somehow gets categorized as me getting something wrong.
15. Then on my way out after abandoning my terrified, possibly unwelcome child to camp with a jenky lunch and the wrong Take Apart item, I heard the ladies who were checking people in asking each other if something from a story sounded believable. And maybe that didn't have anything to do with me but
16. Then I started thinking about how I'm wearing a ridiculous skirt and tshirt combo because they're so comfortable and I realized that everything about my clothes is wrong. My skirt has this hole in it that I always think I'm going to sew. So after I wear it, I set it aside as though I'm going to do that but then
17. I forget to sew it and then I get annoyed that it's out so I put it back on the shelf. And then
18. I reforget that it's got a hole in it and only remember that it's super comfy and have this dumb idea that if I wear a skirt, that's getting dressed professionally-ish enough even though the only long summer skirts I own are the kind that can actually double as pajamas.
19. So I rush home because the lady who forgot to list my son on the sign in asked if she could call me in an hour. Because that's how long it takes to figure out if I'm a whackadoodle trying to sneak my kid in on account of my ripped pajama skirt-t-shirt-combo or an actual on-top-my-shit-for-one-single-moment-mom because I signed him up in MARCH but I knew I'd forgotten my cell phone so I'd better get home so she can call me.
20. But then I realized when I got home and looked in my purse that my phone wasn't there. It was in the pocket of my robe and I'm basically a ninja because I found it without my husband having to call it.
21. I forgot to mention my other son. I definitely don't have the mental capacity now to figure out what I forgot, lost, or screwed up there. I'm sure he's walking around with boogers on his dirty face but at least he's got Steve's hospital bag full of lunch and probably clothes on. Probably.
And now it's 11:40 and I've gotten next to nothing done and the woman never called. So I'm going to get to work and hope that I forget all about all the things I forgot, lost, or got wrong before 9 this morning.